When it comes to improving your relationships, particularly with romance, your self-concept determines everything. Self-concept is your fundamental core beliefs about who you are and what you’re worth.

This is why affirmations are one of the best ways to attract real Love and keep it growing. However, a lot of people do affirmations in a way that doesn’t serve them or their relationships.

Words are powerful, and your conscious use of words makes a huge difference in seeing results. But the real secret to making affirmations work in Love and relationships is in the beliefs you cultivate and grow.

The reason why affirmations work (and how to make them work quickly and effectively) is in the beliefs you have about yourself. If you don’t actively and consciously work to change your beliefs, you are not using affirmations effectively.

A daily practice of affirmations works because they bring your beliefs into alignment with Love to shift your self-concept. When you operate from a place of worthiness and confidence, everything changes.

Getting out of the muck of unworthiness and onto solid ground

I’ve been sharing some of my special sauce with you over the past few blog articles. So far we’ve taken a deeper look at journaling as a part of my essential toolkit for personal transformation.

These are honestly the essential keys to changing your life. From my personal experience and countless people I’ve served in my coaching and teaching work, this stuff just works!

Especially if you’re trying to dig yourself out of a low point to get to high, solid ground.

Want to listen to this blog training, and get more insights? Cool. Check out the latest episode of The Growth Farming Podcast here.

The secret sauce of affirmations

When it comes to your thoughts, are you aware of them? That may seem like a silly question, but there are subtle, subconscious thoughts you have lingering in the soil of your mind garden. These little thoughts actually dictate much of your life.

This is the power of your subconscious mind.

If you have perpetual doubts, worries, frustrations, fears, anxieties, and the like…you have a program playing inside yourself behind the scenes that need to be addressed.

The best, most efficient, and easiest way I’ve found to change your subconscious programming is to change your inner dialogue. And one of the most effective methods to rewire your subconscious mind is with affirmations.

If you’ve used affirmations before and then stopped, what was the result of stopping? I can tell you the results I’ve experienced from having a regular affirmation practice and then stopping.

Last year I got on a hot streak. I’d been doing affirmations for two years solid. And I had recently ramped up including business stuff with my morning affirmations.

Then my business picked up and I was serving more clients than ever before. I had done some great speaking gigs and taught many people about self-Love to produce healthy relationships and success.

Yay, affirmation success! Things were going really really well for me.

And I thought that all the affirmations had done their job. I decided that I didn’t need to do it anymore since things had shifted and were looking so good for me. So I stopped doing daily affirmations.

It took about three weeks, but I found myself sliding back into old thoughts and beliefs. And things began to shift in the opposite direction.


affirmations believe in yourself self-concept positively positive

Image courtesy of Ran Berkovich.

The old story of rejection started to play again

My old story of rejection started to come back again in my subtle thoughts. I hadn’t completely reprogrammed my subconscious mind to take on the new beliefs. Or as Neville Goddard teaches, I hadn’t persisted long enough and consistently enough for it to harden into fact.

I wasn’t doing anything to really persist in my new story because I’d stopped affirming myself daily. That’s the key right there to how to make affirmations powerful and effective: you have to commit to yourself to do this daily and consistently.

Getting out of this daily habit began to have some noticeable effects. My business started to go down. It was harder and harder to get in front of people for coaching, speaking, and even sharing my Be Solid book with.

All that I’d been working for and started to see changes in, suddenly wasn’t working.


When I finally woke up to what was happening, I got back on my affirmation wagon. My confidence, direction, and inner peace grew. And things began to improve in my business too.

What’s the real secret to an effective affirmation practice?

There are two main ways to do affirmations and make them a regular part of your daily routine. This is a simple and easy practice you can do today to immediately bring changes to your mindset. And impact your heart and spirit too.

First, write your affirmations down.

Then, read them to yourself. Out loud.

In doing affirmations this way, you’re telling your mind and body, “This is who I am and this is how it is.”

Second, surrender this to the universe (connecting with the spiritual part of you) so that what you’ve written, spoken, and affirmed becomes your new state of being.

You can incorporate simple affirmations into your daily meditation practice to get these beliefs deeper into your subconscious mind too.

Another key way to use affirmations is to record yourself saying them and looping this recording for a few hours.

Listen to these recordings while you sleep, when your subconscious mind is most open to receiving information. I recommend a few folks like Michael Sealey, Dauchsy, and Dylan James’ work on Youtube for great affirmation recordings to use while you sleep.

Some affirmations that work wonders

Here are a few of the affirmations I’ve used to completely change my life. The first three have been instrumental in healing from heartbreak and overcoming life-long codependency.

  • “I am Love.”
  • “I believe in me.”
  • “It is easy to attract Love into my life.”
  • “I am strong.”
  • “I Love myself exactly as I am.”
  • “My dreams are coming true.”

There’s a great list of affirmations that work incredibly well inside my book, Be Solid: How To Go Through Hell & Come Out Whole. Plus a more detailed method for how to use them in your life to bring healing from heartbreak, confidence, change your self-concept, and much more.

Another great place to use affirmations is when you go for a walk or workout. Let your mind absorb these empowering beliefs while your body releases tension. I’ve put together a great affirmation mix for you here:


Affirmations are self-Love put into practice

Affirming to yourself is simply changing your inner story. This changes your subconscious thoughts and patterns which leads you to naturally taking attracting the Loving relationships you want in your life.

Neville Goddard teaches that “Everyone and everything is you pushed out.” What this means is that your inner core beliefs determine your experiences in life. This is particularly true in your relationships.

If you want to attract a truly Loving, committed, and healthy relationship, you have to change your self-concept. Affirmations are how you embody the attributes of the person you desire to attract by becoming the person you want to attract.

You step into the characteristics and qualities of Love to attract Love into your life. This also applies to all of your relationships from family to friends to business/career.

Change your beliefs about who you are. See yourself as worthy, whole, attractive, and magnetic to all you desire. Be the Love you want to experience and you will find that this becomes your reality.

*This blog article was originally published at dgrantsmith.com

D Grant Smith is known as the Growth Farmer, which means he has an old-fashioned approach to living a whole & healthy life. Get his free ebook called Love Is The Seed To Success, that gives help in healing relationships and growing healthy ones. His new book Be Solid: How To Go Through Hell & Come Out Whole is about the journey into self-love and self-care after heartbreak and personal loss. He’s an empowerment superhero who would love to give you encouragement so feel free to reach out!


Feature image courtesy of Elena Mozhvilo.