Let’s get right to it. Do you have the disease to please? Getting a diagnosis is as easy as answering the following four questions:
- Do you say yes when you really want to say no?
- Do you apologize often? When you are actually not sorry? When you are angry as a way to diffuse and/or end an argument?
- Do you avoid confrontation at all costs?
- Do you put everyone else’s needs above your own?
If you answered yes to any of the above questions, you, my dear, have The Disease to Please.
A simple mindfulness exercise can be just the prescription:
For the next forty-eight hours, write down every time you commit any of the above actions. What was the scenario? Why did you respond the way you did? This requires you to not only be very aware of your words and actions, but honest about your intentions. If you got into an argument—what was the argument? Were you truly sorry for your behavior, or did you just want to get the other person off your back? Did someone ask a favor? What was it? Did you agree to do it because you genuinely wanted to, or because you feel guilty saying no?
Are you discovering a pattern to your behavior?
When you do a deed out of guilt, or to avoid a sticky situation even though it needs to be addressed, you are being inauthentic and dishonest. These qualities cannot exist in truly loving relationships. How can anyone authentically love you if they do not authentically know you?
And you definitely deserve to be authentically loved ❤.
I would love to hear your thoughts, answer your questions, know if this tip resonates with you, and what the experiment produces.
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and an expert at turning fear into freedom. For almost two decades, Terri has empowered companies, celebrities, professional athletes, and individuals to Live Fearless and Free. Currently, Terri is wrapping up her first solo book project, “Flip Over and Float—8 Steps to Sustainable Change,” filming “The Conversation” for the Lifetime Network, executive produced by Demi Moore, set to launch February 2012. Terri can also be seen as the guest transformation expert on A&E’s Monster In-Laws. In addition to her website, Terri can also be found on Facebook and Twitter.