I was uninvited from a dinner party a few months ago.
Without any reason whatsoever.
Truly no reason.
My first reaction to it… was shock, disbelief, then shame and sadness.
The person who did not want to have me at the dinner did not know me and never met me personally.
Maybe this was not personal.
But I didn’t quite see it that way.
To say the least.
As I was on my way back to my house I cried all the way home, under my sunglasses in the midst of a beautiful summer.
I didn’t know why I was crying, all I knew was that I felt rejected and not enough. But in that moment in time I did not do what I would have done when I was in school or college when I didn’t fit in.
I did not try to make my life about fitting in so next time I would get that invite. Instead I made sure I was nothing like that, that I would never be a person who would keep people out for no real reason.
For no human reason.
But why do we chase people who don’t want to be with us?
What is up with that?
From our first day in kindergarten to the last day in college we keep trying to ‘fit in’ with a crowd that does not fit with us.
And we try hard.
I really don’t know how else to say this, but it is almost as if we are asking for it.
And let me tell you, I am including me in this group of people. I am the worst of all.
I will ignore every signal, sign, nudge that this person or people are not interested in spending time with me, until the universe comes and hits me over the head with something so obvious and so painful that I have to run away.
Am I the only one?
And of course there is the other argument that I have told myself many times. Well If I lose weight then it will be different. Or when I am more successful then I will definitely be accepted and wanted. And guess what happens.
When we drop the pounds, get the job, and do and be all the things that we thought made that person or people not want us, they still reject us.
But..but..but…how is that possible?
I am now all the things I thought kept them from liking me, loving me, wanting me, and they still don’t want to be with me.
So here is the deal.
Here is where we get this completely wrong.
The people we are not meant to be with will always reject us and turn us down. @SecondFirsts
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We can never be good enough for them, if we were not good enough in the beginning.
We need to realize this and when we get a sign, a gut feeling, a nudge that this person is not for us we must look for the exit sign right there and then.
No wondering how we can make ourselves better so they see us.
You see, there are so many people who actually would want to be with us. It is possible that because we have been so obsessed with these other folks we have completely missed the ones who loved us to begin with.
Next time you get a gut feeling that someone is ignoring you or that you are not connecting with them somehow, don’t keep trying.
They could be your colleagues, your peers, your family or someone you are really attracted to. Know that it is for the best if you don’t pursue or turn your world upside down just to get their approval.
You could be the queen or the king and still be ignored and not loved.
And as someone told me lately.
It is not personal.
Now go and be with the people who want to be with you. Anybody else…well you know what to do.
Don’t be with them.
Christina Rasmussen is a bestselling author, speaker and philanthropist on a crusade to change the way we live after loss. As the founder of Second Firsts and Life Starters both organizations to help people create a pathway back to life after loss, Christina has helped thousands of people rebuild, reclaim, and relaunch their lives using the power of the human mind. Her book Second Firsts: Live, Laugh, and Love Again, aims to take her message even further. You can find more information on her website and follow her on FB or Twitter.
Image courtesy of Theen Moy.