This week on the podcast, I coached on a topic I have never coached on air before: breaking the cycle of unconscious parenting.
My caller, Cathy, shares about the struggles she has as a mother. She has observed insecurity and aggressive behavior in her daughter and she owns that her parenting may be creating it. Cathy has noticed herself getting very impatient and sometimes using corporal punishment on her daughter. Even though she knows this may not be the “best” way to parent, it is all she knows. She grew up rather neglected and corporal punishment was used on her.
Thanks to Cathy’s courageous honesty and willingness to take responsibility for her behavior, we were able to make some tremendous progress in this call.
I’ve said many times, parenting does not come with an instruction manual.
Often, we play out behaviors we learned from our parents. It requires a conscious awareness to know what behaviors we want to leave in the past, and which we pass on to our children. @ChristinHassler (Click to Tweet!)
We need to have deep compassion for our parents and then forgive them, to stop repeating generational patterns. Stopping the cycle entails awareness, healing of our past hurts, and then the re-parenting of ourselves to become the loving parent we never had.
Of course this process takes some time and can be intense because it requires us to go back and do some healing of things we may not fondly remember.
Any form of abuse or hurtful, critical treatment of another continues because the victim never heals. The victim either becomes the abuser or internalizes the abuse. Often, people do not share about past abuse, because there is so much shame. This is not just true for abuse, it is the same for any generational pattern.
I encourage you to listen to this episode with compassion and consider what cycles you are committed to breaking.
P.S. I have a new podcast where I coach people LIVE on the air. Head over to Over it and On With It and listen in for inspiration and action steps
Christine Hassler has broken down the complex and overwhelming experience of recovering from disappointment into a step-by-step treatment plan in her new book Expectation Hangover. This book reveals the formula for how to process disappointment on the emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual levels to immediately ease suffering. Instead of wallowing in regret, self-recrimination, or anger, we can see these experiences as catalysts for profound transformation and doorways that open to possibility. You can find more info on her website, and follow her on Twitter and FB.
Image Courtesy of smpratt90.