Love is the absence of judgement. – Dalai Lama
Have you ever purchased furniture from Ikea? I have. While I love Ikea and their furniture, I hate putting it together. I don’t care what the instructions indicate, the parts don’t always fit perfectly and there is always at least one screw left over. My furniture assembly experiences end the same way every time. I get frustrated and toss “left over” screws in a drawer with the intention of fixing it later (which never happens.) I quickly forget about the extra screws and pretend the furniture is not wobbly or crooked.
Just like the Ikea furniture, some of our parts might be a bit wobbly or crooked. We can ignore our wobbly parts or we can examine them to see what makes them wobble.
All of the parts of us are a cumulation of our life experience’s (good and bad). I’ve found the only way to learn to love all my parts is to confront them, to turn them inside out and upside down, in order to understand where and why I’m a little wobbly.
If you are thinking that it might be messy bringing all your parts to the table for review, congratulations. You have some juicy parts to work on. I invite you to deal with the mess, it’s real, it’s life; and real life is messy before it becomes beautiful.
I’m currently confronting a part of me that I hate – I’m judgmental (see, I couldn’t even share that I’m judgmental without judging myself.) I jump to a conclusion based on what I see or hear with little thought about the truth which usually lies somewhere in between.
Looking back I realize I learned how to judge at a very early age. My parents separated when I was five. I remember listening to my parents talk about each other. “Your father never…., Your mother always…., He should not have…., She should have…” As I spent time with each parent, I learned to judge the other. I learned to make snap decisions about who is right and who is wrong. Once I reached the verdict, there was no changing it. As I matured, I honed my judging skills expanding from the simplicity of right/wrong to the more complicated trustworthy/untrustworthy, loving/unloving, safe/unsafe.
Eventually, I even started judging myself by this strict set of rules I created. I couldn’t live up to the expectations I’d set for myself or anyone else in my life. The ugly truth is:
If I judge everyone by the same set of rigid rules, at some point we will all fail. @lockeym
(Click to Tweet!)
It’s time to lay down my gavel.
No one says it better than Brene Brown: “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
Once I learn the “whys and hows” of my judgmental thoughts I’m free to notice the wobbly crooked parts but focus on the whole person. And that opens me up to a whole new beautiful experience.
What parts of you would you like to confront? Answer this question in the comment section, I read and respond to every comment.
Lockey Maisonneuve is the founder of the Let It Go Workshop. This workshop is a combination of yoga, discussion, journaling and meditation. Upcoming workshops in Ca., NJ. Click here for workshop registration. Lockey and the MovingOn program have been profiled in magazines, television, radio. Print: Shape Magazine, Origin Magazine, and Yoga Mantra + Health Magazine. For more information about Lockey and to sign up for her weekly Tao of Bacon, go to www.lockeymaisonneuve.com.
Image courtesy of AG Gilmore.