I am sitting in my bed writing from my new apartment. It is gorgeous. A true New York find, it has skylights, a garden, and so much light. It even has beautiful wooden floors. The vibe reminds me of being in a calming cabin. I don’t even feel like I am in hectic New York when I am here. Truly, I am beyond grateful. But it doesn’t ease the simultaneous feeling of anxiety that I have as I upgrade my life. In this situation, it was upgrading my apartment.
But as I start to think about all the major transitions in my life there was always this feeling of simultaneous gratitude and moving forward with HOLY SH*T what am I going to do now?
Thoughts like… How will I be able to hold this magnitude of blessings? How will I afford it? How will I be able to deliver what they want? The fears come pouring in for me usually around the time of a great transition.
I work as a therapist fusing ancient wisdom with modern therapy and I know, intellectually, that transitions are transitions and therefore take time. But it doesnt allow my BONES and my body to escape the inevitable feelings that are associated with the transition. My mind can try to convince my body and say, “It’s okay” and that helps a bit. I can do yoga and release some anxiety through my body and that helps a bit too. And I will continue to do all of those things, because it helps.
But I always end up coming back to this inevitable truth for me, which is that transitions burn.
They burn the old and therefore it hurts a bit. It is like a shedding of the old self and while the new self is coming and it’s wonderful, there is a painful release of sorts.It is uncomfortable, it is new, it is scary. I realized that I had to accept this burn not as a weakness or a lack of me not being grateful or strong enough to process change, but instead as the WAY of transition.
Transitions have their own way of being, and part of that being means to burn through the old and make way for the new. If I surrender to that then I realize:
So often spiritual traditions and fluffy spiritual texts make you deny your reality and encourage you to reframe everything.
Sometimes the best thing and the most psychologically and emotionally healthy thing to do is – realize that it’s not either or, but instead both. I am both grateful and terrified. I am both excited and anxious. I am feeling the burn and welcoming in the salve.
Life is life, transitions burn and that’s okay. We can love ourselves through them, but cannot avoid their fundamental nature. We must continue to do the little things that light our moods and life and our spirits to make the ride a little easier, but we can’t fully escape transitions ways and that is okay too. It means we are alive, human, and breathing.
I am enjoying my snacks in my new apartment feeling both peaceful and anxious, and that’s just okay. Transitions are just doing their thing.
Have you gone through any transitions recently? Do you notice the same? I want to hear from you! Feel free to share your thoughts on my Facebook page or in the comments below.
Christine Gutierrez is a psychotherapist, advice columnist, speaker, author, poet, and founder of Christineg.tv an online hub that features psychologically-savvy and soulful advice, articles, videos, private consultations, workshops, retreats (both live and virtual), radio appearances, and television projects. “Ancient wisdom with a modern twist” is the motto. She has been featured in TimeOut NY Magazine, Latina Magazine as “The Future 15: The Healer,” Yahoo Health, Ebony Magazine, Cosmopolitan for Latinas, The Conversation, Cosmopolitan Magazine, Ricki Lake, Lifetime TV, and more. You can also follow Christine on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. And sign up for her weekly newsletter at: www.christineg.tv. Want a free 15 min consultation call? Click here to set it up.