I recently posted this on my Facebook page: This will not be the page for “love and light and unicorns” and 24/7 positivity.
I am human and flawed. After all, my “famous” saying is “Don’t be an a**hole.” Having said that, I do my best. To not be one.
I shared an article from a magazine on my page that read like satire – say, an Onion article. Most people appreciate that and follow me for that reason. There are some, however, that will hold me to impossible standards. “You aren’t supposed to judge. You hypocrite.”
Hey listen up – to be human is to be a hypocrite. Sometimes.
I still think the piece read as satire!! I am not going to bother sharing it here but it won’t take you much digging to find it.
I do not aim to be perfect on her (or my social media) or to be some kind of guru.
Who could handle that kind of pressure?
I have gotten crap for: wearing makeup. “You are a hypocrite, Jen. Why wear makeup if you are “enough.” I have gotten it for: wearing nice outfits or traveling or cursing.
This summer, after I led my Tuscany retreat, I took my mom to Paris for a few days. I wore cute outfits and had my eyelashes done and I felt good. Someone called me out saying that she first started watching me when I made videos in my messy apartment where I wasn’t wearing makeup, when I was slouching around in pj’s or yoga pants. She saw my videos and pictures in Paris and resented them. She no longer felt enough, she said. Did I want to address how my message has changed, she asked.
Me: Um, no.
I wear lipstick and do my lashes if I feel like it because well, I feel like it. And it makes me feel good. It’s absurd to only relate to me if you feel I am downtrodden or poor or depressed. Yes, sometimes I am depressed and I still live in the same apartment, but dammit, I am still me.
I owe no one an apology or explanation for brushing my hair or traveling or wearing high heels. My message hasn’t changed.
Being a feminist does NOT mean that you can’t ever wear makeup. Just because you share about your depression or mental illness does not mean that you are defined by that depression or that you can’t have good days or that you are no longer relatable to someone who is suffering.
People will always try and keep us in the boxes they have created for us, in their minds.
@JenPastiloff (Click to Tweet!)
The point is that whatever I do (and, don’t be fooled – whatever YOU do), there will be some that have a bone to pick.
Those who will call me out for being incongruent.
Guess what? I am incongruent. I am a human being. But I try real hard (remember my TRH policy? The Try Real Hard Policy?) to be as congruent as I can.
I am not going to NOT post something for fear that three people will think my intentions are not good, or I am making fun. I am not going to stop wearing makeup if I damn well please because someone feels it’s contradictory to my “statement.” I am not going to stop traveling to “fancy places” (where I happen to work my ass off, but that is beside the point because that is defending myself and I shall not do that either) because it might make someone feel bad who can’t afford to do so.
ALL OF US, are imperfect, flawed, hypocritical at times, sometimes a**holes.
I am no different.
I think you should carry on being you, doing the best you can do, whatever that means for you.
Some days it means “Hey, I got out of bed today!” I shall carry on being me in all my glory.
I may not get out of bed today. And if I posted that, surely there would be someone, somewhere wagging a finger.
I simply wag mine back and smile. And then go back to bed.
As they say: Do no harm but take no sh*t. I know its not easy but we are in this together. Solidarity!
My Italy retreat for next Sep 17-24 is invite only so email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org or click here to get an idea of the magic! I will be in NYC (one workshop and one Girl Power: You Are Enough class) and Atlanta in March followed by Dallas and Seattle in April. Make sure to give me a hug if you come. All workshops here. I will be back at Kripalu in Western Massachusetts Feb 19-21, too. Join me on instagram at @jenpastiloff and @GirlPowerYouAreEnough. xoxo
Featured image by Emily Mcdowell. You can buy Jen Pastiloff’s manifesto on her site.