When you throw a party, do you have fun or do you spend all your time running around, making sure everyone else is having fun? Or when you plan a social activity with friends, are you worried about all of them and if they’re having a good time? Do you feel responsible for other people’s feelings? Are you overly concerned?
What I’m talking about today in this Real Love Revolution video is why it’s dangerous to care more about what you imagine other people are feeling than what you’re feeling.
In this video, I cover:
- Why you should be prioritizing yourself
- How to know if you are overly concerned with other people’s feelings
- The typical root of this behavior in chaotic family systems
- How to bring more authenticity into your life
- How to stop overgiving and overdoing
Why are you so concerned about other people’s experiences? Simply being female is most likely part of the reason. We are the ones who take the temperature of every person in the room to make sure everyone else is okay. It is part of the way we are socialized. Caring is loving, over-caring is dysfunctional. Being overly dialed into what other people are feeling (or your projection or assumption about it) can get in the way of your self-development. Over-functioning and codependent behavior will eventually lead to feeling empty and bitter because at the end of the day there is nothing left for you.
Here are some questions to help you figure out if you are overly concerned with other people’s feelings: Do you spend too many hours at your job? Do you do way more than your job description because you don’t know how to say no? When people say “Where do you want to go eat?” do you say, “Oh I don’t care, wherever you want is good.” Is that your normal behavior?
For the full list of questions to better understand if you are overgiving, overdoing, and potentially ignoring your own needs, download the Checklist: Do I Care More About Others Than Myself?
So how can you learn to prioritize yourself? I have a few quick tips of how to course correct.
Let’s start with your work situation: If you impulsively say yes to extra work and personal favors for co-workers, this is probably getting in the way of you being as productive as you could be and can create resentment. I want you to create a Rules of Engagement list for work. Decide on your limits and boundaries, and how you’re going to be at work. Then decide how you can let others kindly know about your new boundaries. For example, create a policy that you no longer do personal favors for coworkers.
Another tip is to try a weekly date with yourself. Once a week, I want you to commit two-four hours to yourself. This could be a creative date, where you could go to a museum or a movie, or perhaps you could walk around different parts of the city or the town that you’re in, or take a drive somewhere. It should be something that really honors exactly how you feel and what you want to be doing for that period of time. Watch this week’s video for more tips and to understand how to bring more authenticity to ALL of your relationships.
Remember, by being overly focused on other people’s feelings, you are denying the people you care about the opportunity to get to know the real you. You deserve to take the time to get reacquainted with yourself, your wants, your needs, and your desires. Because…
How can anyone authentically love you, if you don’t let them authentically know you? @terri_cole (Click to Tweet!)
Drop me a comment here on the blog and let me know what resonated with you after watching the video above. Then head over to my YouTube Channel and SUBSCRIBE for FREE access to every Real Love Revolution vid! Join the conversation with #RealLoveRevolution on social media and share the love!
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Thanks for watching, reading, and sharing!
And as always, take care of YOU.
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and an expert at turning fear into freedom. Sign up for Terri’s weekly Newsletter, check out her blog and follow her on Twitter.