Only a few events in life cause more distress, sadness, and self-doubt than a heartbreak after ending a romantic relationship.
I experienced a feeling of Personal Apocalypse after my 19-year-long marriage fell apart almost overnight. Immediately following the break up,
I felt abandoned and betrayed and went through a gamut of emotions I had not experienced before.
My world, my dreams and my happy future were shattered.
Or so I thought.
After the initial shock and days of barely functioning, I slowly began to remember what I learned during my study of psychotherapy. I’d searched for answers and intuitively found my way into the area of self- limiting beliefs. I had never considered that self-limiting beliefs play a crucial part when it comes to the devastation felt after the ending of a relationship.
Once I had the insight to combine what I’ve learned about the human psyche and the destructive impact our beliefs have on it, I developed a method that allows someone to get over heartbreaks. For good.
I was my own guinea pig and through trial and error I got over mine in record time. What I found startled me:
What often devastates people after a heartbreak in addition to the absence of the relationship itself, is their negative self-esteem beliefs that surface.
It is because they think they are not good enough, not lovable, not interesting enough, not successful enough, not attractive enough, that there is something wrong with them.
So, how do you verify if what you believe to be true is The Truth?
First, ask yourself when was the first time you had a negative thought about yourself, like “I am not good enough”. Then verify if you can prove with absolute certainty if it’s true. Or if it is only true in your mind.
In order for something to be the one and only Truth, it has to be provable. It has to represent a reality that can be seen by everyone, some kind of a scientific proof to make it a fact. If it is only something we feel or think, – it is not enough to be the truth. The problem is that we often take our feelings as THE TRUTH. We think: “If I feel it so strongly, – it must be true. When we do so, we are unaware that we draw erroneous and long-lasting conclusions.
If you take away one thing from this blog, I want you to remember that self-limiting beliefs are mostly created at a very young age when we lack knowledge and judge ourselves with an infantile mindset or when we believe what others say about us.
For example, when our behavior is judged as “bad” by others it turns into “I am bad” in our impressionable mind. The problem is that those erroneous beliefs oftentimes create havoc in our adult life. And they surface in a detrimental way especially in situations when we feel rejected. We think: “If he/she rejects me it must be because there is something wrong with me, it’s because I am not good enough.” Only when we understand that it was never true in the first place we can move on and heal.
Based on my work with my clients, I can emphatically say that in order to live happily ever after a break-up it is imperative to eliminate negative self esteem beliefs so we can once again feel lovable, attractive, worthy, and important. We can then start to genuinely love and respect ourselves. Robert Mortley says it eloquently: “To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness.”
By redirecting the love, attention and care we gave to our former relationship toward ourselves we not only speed up our healing process but we also prepare for a new happy, healthy and fulfilled life.
Once we truly accept, love and cherish ourselves, the world becomes a joyful playground with endless possibilities, amazing opportunities and new fulfilling relationships. And we understand that sometimes when things are falling apart, they are actually falling together.
So, what can you do to start your healing process?
- Get together a support group of friends, family members or people on forums with similar experience.
- Live your emotions. Express them. It’s normal. It’s human and it shows that you are capable of loving another person.
- Work on your beliefs. Look what really is behind your sadness, desperation and anger. Seek professional help if needed.
- Find ways to take good care of yourself. Relax. Pamper yourself. Massages, yoga, meditation are only a few options.
- Find out what makes you happy, make a list and strive to do at least one thing a day from your list. It does not have to be big, but it does have to be meaningful to you.
Breakups are painful, but do not have to be excruciating and can be the starting point for wonderful new beginnings. – Andrea Grace (Click to Tweet!)
Andrea Grace is a certified Life Coach and a passionate self-limiting beliefs eradicator. Originally from Hamburg, Germany, she has lived for over 10 years in
Nice, France and 8 years in Montreal, Canada. Andrea now lives in Florida and is coaching her clients from all over the world by phone or Skype and Zoom in English, German and French. For more information and to contact Andrea, visit her website.
Image courtesy of sasint.