I am broken. I have been labeled. Shit has happened, and I am broken. I’ve taken the plunge – many times.  I look back to learn from mistakes. Grow a little. I will not wallow.

My past is common yet unique to me, my present is unsure yet somehow solid, and my future is uncertain, but I will succeed.

I am tired of crying, begging, demanding, failing, yet am ready for more. My knees are calloused, my dreams are real, and my goals are set.

I am broken. Held together by screws, plates, rods, cages and chords. A machine is attached to my heart. I have scars. So, many scars. I’ve stood on glass, wrecked bikes, fallen out of trees, tasered myself, had black eyes, chipped nails, broken knuckles. A spike in my leg, burned my skin, died and come back, wrecked my wrist, broken teeth and almost drowned. I’ve been slapped, punched, stabbed, kicked and have self-inflicted wounds. I have walked my dream path.

I am broken. I have seen death, felt it and wished for it. I’ve seen torture, smelled the stench of rotting flesh and felt the last breath slip through my fingers. I have been leaned on and leaned on others.

My back is weak, but I am strong. I need no power, riches or fame. I don’t need to be right, just understood. I don’t need constant attention but appreciate being heard. I walk by faith. I seek truth and beauty.

I am broken, but I can and will be whole. I will never give up. I hold the pieces in my hand and recreate a mosaic masterpiece. My vision is inspiring, and I will inspire others. I am worthy of love, and I will show love. I will hold the hands of the weak, motivate to progress and make someone laugh. I dry my tears and will not stop. When my time finally comes, I will proudly gather my broken self and reach for my brother’s hand.

I am broken and have no regrets. 

Belinda Govatos was born in Salisbury, Rhodesia, grew up in South Africa, moved to the U.S. for college, and is now remarried with 11 children total (she loves being a mother.) She is a scuba instructor, passionate about marine line, photography, the outdoors, cooking, quilting, writing and humanitarian work. She is almost 48 and down to 16 year old twins at home. Life is changing constantly and she’s been so blessed.

Image courtesy of Eric Han.