I want you to know it’s okay to feel lost. I am experiencing this in my life, and there is nothing wrong with that feeling. But I understand how feeling that way can keep us stuck. It can keep us up at night. I understand that because right now; I am awake.
I am awake because I’m feeling lost. Life is hard sometimes-it’s hard a lot of the time. It’s frustrating. And if I’m being honest, I have it much better than others. I know it’s not as hard for me as it is for other people. I have it good. However, personal problems don’t lose their relevance because someone else may have it worse.
I’m 47 years old, and I feel lost. I’ve felt this way a lot recently it seems. I’m going through several changes all at once, and I wish I knew how to react. How to be. How to feel. How to deal with what’s in my head and my heart. But, right now, I don’t.
Sometimes I have no clue what to do or what I’m doing at any given moment. You would think I’d have figured it out by now but I haven’t. I’m not sure if I ever will. I feel lost occasionally.
I don’t know if everything will be okay. I don’t know if things will be better or worse. And I don’t know how long these feelings will last. I can feed myself all of the stuff I’ve written about before to try to make myself feel better. To convince myself everything will be okay. But I really don’t know that it will be. I could feel this way for a long time or I could feel much better tomorrow. That’s what life looks like for me right now. It’s not good or bad. It just is.
I guess I’m scared. I’m scared of what the future holds. It’s all unknown.
And the unknown scares the shit out of me.
Should I sit with that pain, that unknown, that uncertainty? Or should I move on? Should I let everything get to me or should I be numb like I was for so many years?
The numbness kept me safe at least. I don’t know what is worse.
I’ve tried to take control of the future by plotting out what I want to do. How I want to be. Who I want to be. But it can all be changed in a day. An hour. In a moment.
Right now, I’m just trying to figure shit out. I know I’m not alone and I know things aren’t as bad as they seem, but knowledge and thoughts are two different things.
And it’s those thoughts that will get us in trouble. It’s those thoughts that take us down a path we don’t want to go on. They keep us awake. And they keep us from living.
I wish I knew what I’m supposed to do. But at this moment, I don’t.
And everything above is okay. It’s okay to feel lost. It’s okay to not know what you are supposed to be doing at this moment or at any given time. It’s okay to be scared, and it is certainly okay to not be okay. The future may end up completely different than what you or I envision, and that is okay too.
These are the moments which define us. These times of being scared and of not knowing. Because once we get through them, these moments strengthen us. It may be hell feeling this way. It may be torturous to your soul. But we need it for growth.
We will get through this. We will come out the other side better than we were before. I have hope. But, right now, it’s okay to feel lost.
Originally published on jeffthewriter.com.
Jeff Barton is a writer, ultra-runner, lover of books and zombies, a practitioner of positive thinking, and most importantly, a dad. Living and loving life one day at a time. You can find him at jeffthewriter.com and jefftherunner.com.
Image courtesy of Daniel Jensen.