Do you remember your first love? Was it in high school when you started dating that girl you had a crush on for so long? Or earlier like middle school when you fell head over heels for that tall guy in your second period class? You were so happy when the teacher assigned you to sit right next to him so you got to be close to him for an hour every day.
Those days were beautiful. Thinking back on it brings a smile to your face. Until you start thinking about what happened later. Maybe you ended up dating and having a relationship. It was good for a little bit, but you were so young. And few grade school relationships stand the test of time. Then the breakup hurt. But you’re strong. You got over it and moved on.
Or maybe you asked your first love (or crush) out and they said no. They told you that you’re nice but you’re just a friend. You’d had hopes and dreams about being with them. Those dreams were dashed and never brought to light.
This can seem minor in the grand scheme of your relationship future. Especially if you have gone on to get married, start a family and build a life for yourself. But did you truly deal with the heartbreak of your past? Or did splinters of it stick in you that you’re still carrying around?
The lingering effects of unresolved heartbreak
This is important to explore, because those negative experiences of rejection can linger with you and negatively impact your relationships, your business and career and your sense of self.
One tale-tell sign of whether or not you’re carrying around the weight of rejection or heartbreak is how you talk to yourself. What you think about for your success and future. Do you tell yourself that the proposal you’re making at work probably won’t be accepted, because you aren’t good enough? Or not worthy? Do you believe that you don’t have what it takes?
Do you have thoughts that are self-defeating, full of doubt and obstacles for why things won’t work in your favor? You’re still feeling the sting of hurt that happened years ago. But that experience did something in your mind that is killing the fruit of self-care needed for you to be your best self.
It all comes down to trust and belief
If you have thoughts and feelings that people are going to reject you, you have heartbreak that hasn’t been fully dealt with. If you doubt that you will succeed, you have heartbreak that hasn’t been fully dealt with.
That heartbreak might not have come directly from a broken relationship. But it did come from an emotional experience that scarred you. It created a belief that works against you. And hinders the connection and relationships you have with others. Namely with yourself.
The heartbreak that held me down from growing myself, my business, and producing my best life didn’t come from my failed marriage or when my wife left. It happened decades before then.
I didn’t fully heal from the rejection I experienced in elementary school from both friends and a girl I had a crush on. I carried that feeling of rejection with me into middle school and high school. The feelings of being not good enough and fears of rejection grew and grew. They carried into my personal relationships, my relationships with family, and the jobs I had.
It caused me to put a chip on my shoulder. I had something to prove. Worthiness issues create this kind of attitude and belief. Sometimes it can seem like a chip on your shoulder motivates you to do your best. That wasn’t my story. My chip was driven by fear of loss and the potential for people to walk away from me. The fear that I was replaceable, disposable, or unworthy of being taken seriously.
Does this sound familiar to you?
Not dealing with these fears and the roots of them kept my mind focused on what could go wrong. Instead of focusing on what I wanted to experience and believing in myself.
In my healing journey, I’ve had to come to terms with the truth that I had fostered the belief that I was unworthy for a very long time. What you think about consistently becomes your experience. This explained the rejection I experienced in marriage.
I’m not justifying the actions of what happened, because people are responsible for what they do. But I can see how my persistent negative thoughts about myself created the channels for those negative experiences to come into being.
Your thoughts are incredibly powerful
Dr. Joe Dispenza has written extensively about this in his books. Thoughts produce energy and feelings create magnetism that brings these thoughts into reality, good or bad.
If you don’t deal with the thorns of heartbreak from your past, you’re likely to repeat those experiences in some form or fashion. It might be in your job and career. It might be in your relationship with your partner. It might be in your relationships with friends and colleagues.
Maybe you don’t take the necessary risks to truly grow and have the success you dream about. Or you shrink back and don’t fully invest yourself in the opportunities presented to you to grow and prosper.
Everything you need to be fully blessed, happy and abundant lives inside of you. You already have what it takes. Yet, until you deal with the splinters and thorns in your mind and heart garden, the bountiful fruit you want to grow with your life will remain dormant and not come into being.
Dig into your heart and mind. Look at your pervasive thoughts. Look at the subtle thoughts and beliefs you have about yourself. If there’s doubt inside you, ask yourself why.
Explore yourself. Spend time getting into your story. See if there are experiences from your distant past that involved heartbreak or rejection that continues to impact the way you see yourself.
Send love to those memories. Send love to the person or people involved. And send love to yourself. Because you’re worth fighting for!
You’re the hero in your story
Your heart and mind are what you fight against the villains of fear. Fear fights against you with doubt, rejection, pain, and heartbreak. It wants to keep you trapped in your past, and not come into your full self.
I’ve helped heroes like you overcome their fears and heal from their past. I’ve seen this story of people rising above their heartbreak to live their best life using the power of love numerous times. That’s what I did in my story to live my best life. You can too.
Because Love is your weapon, my friend. Love destroys fear. Love makes you whole. It restores you to your full strength and makes you able to conquer any obstacle.
Love makes you whole and solid. Use the ultimate super power at your disposal to overcome past fears and doubts to be fully alive, successful, and live the life of your dreams.
Choose Love. Choose you. Simple affirmations that you write and recite daily are easy ways to plant Love in your heart and mind garden to overcome doubt and fear.
Here are a few to try out (I do this every day and it’s been one of the best ways to change my mindset and build self-confidence):
I Am Love.
I Am Joy.
I Am Whole.
I Am Peace.
I Am Successful.
I Have What It Takes.
I Am Enough.
Let this be a start for you. A way to cultivate growth and health inside yourself. And learn to let go of the past that’s been holding you back. As old memories come to mind, send love to them in your mind and let them go. The memories served a purpose of reminding you that you’re worth loving yourself.
Do so, and experience the difference!
D Grant Smith is known as the Growth Farmer, which means he has an old-fashioned approach to living a whole & healthy life. His new book Be Solid: How To Go Through Hell & Come Out Whole is about the journey into self-love and self-care after heartbreak and personal loss. He’s an empowerment superhero who would love to give you encouragement so feel free to reach out!
Image courtesy of Alejandra Quiroz.