I think we all want people to value us. We want to feel seen and appreciated. Yet often we feel disappointed and frustrated when others don’t.
When you don’t feel valued by others it is a reflection that you don’t value yourself. Valuing yourself is a form of loving yourself.
To value oneself is to recognize the value you bring to the lives of others, to your community and to the world. It doesn’t matter what line of work you are in or what awards you have achieved. It matters based on the impact you have with the gifts you want to share.
Not everyone needs that gift and that doesn’t mean you are less valuable. Your gifts are a value to those who need it and therefore a value to the whole which you are a part of it.
You can’t force others to value you, but you can choose who you share your value with. You are valuable, gifted in your own unique way, and you have so much to give to those who value your gift.
The issue is most of us give away our gift and ourselves to those that cannot appreciate it, maybe even take it for granted, or might not need it but think they do.
For most of us this is learned conditioning/behavior from our upbringing, from the expectations of the society we were raised in or the culture we were born into.
You so desperately wanted Mom, Dad, friends, teachers, etc. to see and approve of you in order to survive. So, you kept giving in hopes to be seen. As children we needed those adults around to survive.
As an adult you are still living out this pattern of giving way your gift whether you consciously realize it or not. You are giving your gift often to those who can’t see it or don’t need it and you want them to value you…just like when you were a kid. This is the dynamic that is familiar to you so you continue doing it hoping that they will see you differently one day.
Changing this pattern starts with you valuing yourself. Valuing yourself is an act of love.
Here are three ways you can begin with to start valuing yourself and align yourself with those who will value you:
- Recognize the value you bring and what you are bringing to the world.
- Clear up all the ways you have stopped valuing yourself and then surround yourself with those who see you and value you.
- Bless and release those who don’t see you or value you. It’s okay if they don’t but that doesn’t mean you need to keep them around.
If you continue not to feel valued, then take responsibility for who you are giving your value away to. I promise you there are people out there who will value what you have to give. And honestly, they need what you have to give.
I leave you with a reminder from Maya Angelou:“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”
Comment below and let me know if this resonated with you. I always love hearing from you.
Kerri-Ann Appleton is an Empowerment Coach supporting women with coming into alignment with their highest self. She brings a hands-on approach combined with a spiritual blend. She uses all of her training and skills in coaching, neuroscience, meditation, Reiki, yoga and conscious living into one whole package to serve from.
Image courtesy of Junior REIS.