Nobody wants to hear it.
There’s lots of things that fall into this “Nobody Wants To Hear It” category.
How do I know these things are the things nobody wants to hear? Because I was the one saying them over and over until I was blue in the face, until people stopped listening to me.
Examples of Things in the “Nobody Wants To Hear It” Category
Okay, here goes.
1. I’m Tired.
Go ahead. Take a poll. Ask around. Ask people if they care how tired you are. (Hint: They don’t care.)
I know this because it is the thing I say the most. I say it even before I know if I am actually truly tired or not. This is why I started working with mantras and mind tattoos in my class. I had my own little mantra of “I’m tired” ruling my brain like a bully. Before you moan into a phone or the air or to anyone who will listen about how tired you are, get yourself in check. What is really going on? Are you really tired? Is telling people how tired you are going to improve your life or theirs in any way? What else can you say besides “I’m tired?”
This type of thinking is powerful because it causes us to be more mindful before we speak. To actually consider if what we are about to say has any value. If it is better than silence.
Sometimes, I think that I am just so used to talking, to noise, that I will say anything just to keep that noise at a low hum.
No one cares how tired we are.
Newsflash: Everyone is tired.
Take a nap. Get an extra hour at night. Get off the phone or Facebook. Meditate. Write about it. Complaining about it is boring, and it is like saying “I am a person.”
We know you are a person. We know you are tired.
(Note to self: Jen, stop complaining about being tired. Take your own advice.)
2. I Am Sooo Busy.
We. Are. All. Busy.
And even if we aren’t really busy, most of us make ourselves busy in some way or another. Busy little bees. We are buzzing through our lives. Perhaps to a fault. I wouldn’t mind being bored once in a while. Remember, as kids, how we’d say, “I’m so bored.” Oh, to be bored now. What a dream! I’d get lost in a book. I’d sit and do nothing. I would be happy being bored for a little while.
Everyone is busy, so when we say to someone “I am so busy,” it makes the other person feel a little less busy, which can equal to a little less important in one’s mind.
I am so sorry I have not called you back in six months.
I’ve been so busy while you have been sitting around picking your nose is how most people translate it. Not everyone, no. Some people just hear “I’ve been traveling or trekking in the woods or taking my kids to soccer,” but some do take it as a personal failure. The easy way out? Don’t offer up an excuse. Especially not the “I am so busy” one. How about saying, instead, Hello, how are you? What have you been up to since we saw each other last?
That makes it all about the other person instead of you. Then, if they ask, you tell them what you have been up to. And if it is a helluva lot, they will get it: You have, indeed, been busy.
You don’t need to tell them.
We don’t need to use our busy-ness as a measure of worthiness.
3. My Boyfriend/Girlfriend Has Been Treating Me So Badly for Two (or five or eight, etc.) Years!
This one seems self-explanatory. I was in a relationship for years where my sort-of boyfriend “didn’t treat me well.” So why didn’t I leave? Why did I stay? I allowed this behavior and then cried to my friends. After a while, you lose crying rights. No one wants to hear anymore.
Get out! Do whatever it takes but get out or stop talking about it or change your mind.
4. Traffic and How Bad It Is.
Blegh. We all hate traffic. We all also hate hearing about how we all hate traffic. Hush now. Leave earlier. Try a new route. Just stop kvetching about it. (I know because I lose my marbles in traffic and like to let everyone know just how bad it is. I will literally call people just to moan about the 405. No more! I am taking heed to my own words.)
5. My Job and How I Hate It and Have Hated It for Years but Won’t Leave It.
As Wayne Dyer says, “If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”
I am committing to living and speaking powerfully. I have realized how I can take a moment and get quiet before I speak to ask myself if what I am about to say is in any way helpful or if it even needs to be said at all. How will it affect the listener? I know I can’t control how someone reacts to me, but I can indeed be thoughtful before I speak. I can be mindful and conscious.
Look, I am a work in progress. I, too, am learning all this stuff. Or rather, remembering what I already know. It’s what we do as humans, isn’t it? We learn, and we remember.
We remember who we really are without all the complaints and the accolades and the business and the noise.
I have realized that I have some words on autopilot such as I am tired and I hate traffic and that, not only are they boring, but they cause people to tune out. I want people to listen when I speak, and, in turn, I want to listen when others speak.
I would love to hear below where you partake in some of these patterns. Or maybe make your own list of “Nobody Wants To Hear It.” Share below your own humanness, and let’s all make an effort to be more mindful. Let’s remember the truth of who we are without all the noise.
Jennifer Pastiloff was recently featured on Good Morning America. She is a yoga teacher, writer, and advocate for children with special needs based in L.A. She is also the creator of Manifestation Yoga® and leads retreats and workshops all over the world. Jennifer is currently writing a book and has a popular daily blog called Manifestation Station. Find her on Facebook and Twitter and take one of her yoga classes online at Yogis Anonymous.
Jen will be leading a Manifestation Yoga® weekend retreat at Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health in the Berkshires, Massachusetts Feb 1-3, 2013.