There is a lure to the past. There is a pull to the old and familiar.
There is a part of our psyche terrified of the death of change and the death of truly starting new.
I remember as if it was yesterday, he had just dragged me across the floor and spit on my face. I was in the pits of an abusive relationship and I had no self-worth. I was craving to leave. I knew everything about it was wrong. I knew I was terrified and yet some part of me was scared to leave.
I was already facing death. I was already in a scary, potentially deathly situation and yet my psyche convinced me that change would be scarier than being dragged across the floor and spit on.
That’s how much the mind craves sticking to what it knows. Even if what it knows is dangerous and not good.
Much of the resistance to change is not because we aren’t ready for change but because of the massive pull from the mind to stay close to what it knows, even if it sucks and is bad for you.
Your soul voice is different than the mind. It is the voice that knows that no matter how scary the change is, if you are not happy and at peace then something must shift. Your soul voice is there with you in the valley of the night whispering, stay strong and move forward.
You will face times when you are tempted to give up. To lose hope. To give up faith. But that is when massive change is around the corner.
Before the shift comes the chaos. When there is chaos there is opportunity for growth and to choose CHANGE.
Don’t let the chaos consume you. Don’t let the pain swallow you.
I left that boy eventually and facing the wounds of what allowed me to be in that position in the first place was the scariest thing I ever faced, but it was the good kind of scary. It was the kind of scary that would liberate and heal me.
I faced my original wounds from my childhood head on. I faced the fear of my unloveablity and looked that wound in the eyes and comforted that wound instead of acting out on it. I walked away and my life began. The death of that relationship was the birth of me becoming myself, loving myself, and owning my worth.
Don’t ever be embarrassed to be in the valleys of darkness, we have all been there. And strength doesn’t come from hiding the truth or believing you are too weak to ask for help. Strength comes in being honest and asking for support when needed. I went to therapy, I told my family, I asked my friends for support, and I did everything day after day to come back home to ME.
My colors returned. My shine came back.
And I finally remembered that there is nothing scarier than abandoning myself.
I always thought I was scared of people abandoning me but what I was really scared of was me abandoning myself. I promised myself that day to never again leave me. Come back home to YOU. Nurture the wounds that cause you to act out and trust that the death of the old will be the birth of the new.
Christine Gutierrez is a psychotherapist, advice columnist, speaker, author, poet, and founder of Christineg.tv an online hub that features psychologically-savvy and soulful advice, articles, videos, private consultations, workshops, retreats (both live and virtual), radio appearances, and television projects. “Ancient wisdom with a modern twist” is the motto. She has been featured in TimeOut NY Magazine, Latina Magazine as “The Future 15: The Healer,” Yahoo Health, Ebony Magazine, Cosmopolitan for Latinas, The Conversation, Cosmopolitan Magazine, Ricki Lake, Lifetime TV, and more. You can also follow Christine on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram And sign up for her weekly newsletter at: www.christineg.tv. Want a free 15 minute consultation call? Click here to set it up!
Join Christine in her upcoming retreat The Embody Retreat, this November 2015, www.embodyretreat.com on the powerful lands of Arizona.