Any relationship takes a lot a of work if we want it to keep growing, providing and nourishing everyone involved. We cannot just leave relationships as they are and expect them to flourish and prosper.
We evolve, our friends evolve, our partners evolve, our children evolve, life evolves and so should our relationships.
When we try to fight or ignore change and this dynamic nature of life, then we are going to meet resistance. We’re going to meet resistance from ourselves, from the other people involved and from life itself.
The end result will be conflict, pain, anxiety, fear, doubt and the decay of the relationship or relationships.
This was one of the best lessons I have learned in my life and I am glad I did. You see for me, the past three years of my life have changed in an huge way. Just under three years ago I quit my job as a Pilates and Yoga instructor to pursue my dream of being a coach to others. I gave up everything and made a huge sacrifice.
My husband was super supportive of me, which thankfully allowed me to pursue my passion with confidence. He was successful in the real estate business and he would support my dreams while I spent hours on my computer each day in my pajamas, eating popcorn and chips – not the healthiest I know, but I was committed and cooking wasn’t going to slow me down!
Over the next eighteen months my business absolutely took off. It exceeded my wildest dreams and it wasn’t long before I was earning more than my husband, which as I have blogged about in the past, opens up a completely different dynamic and challenges our own belief systems. That alone can cause a lot of friction, but it didn’t for us. It did change the dynamic of only mom being at home to do the chores though; we had to now share those responsibilities as both our businesses were successful.
What did happen though over time, was I was starting to travel more and more as I was starting get pulled in many different directions with my business. I was starting to get invited to present and speak at more and more events. I was so involved in my business, that it placed a lot of stress on our relationship.
That in turn affected those around us, like our immediate families and friends as they get involved. Fortunately we were brutally honest with ourselves, we sought out help, we spoke for hours, we laughed, we cried, we got angry, but we resolved it. We understood what was happening.
The ground is continuously shifting below our feet as our careers evolve, as we evolve.
Awareness of what is happening and not just taking a stance and saying I am right and you’re wrong. I don’t need to change, you need to change and all that inflexibility and immaturity.
We need to realize that our needs change, our kids needs change, our friends needs change, our partners needs change, our business needs change as do our entire life needs change.
That means we need to change. We need to change our mindset, our beliefs and our approach to life in oder to succeed.
For example, this past month has been an crazy one in terms of travel and demands placed on my relationships. I had to first fly to Milwaukee, then go to Las Vegas to attend a conference with huge business leaders like Tony Robbins where I would also speak. I then had to go to Calgary, before we flew to Maui as my husband was invited to compete at the XTERRA triathlon world champs as a legend of the sport.
I then had to fly to England and Ireland to speak at an event, which meant being away from my family again.
My husband was supper supportive and had to make a big sacrifice to run the house and look after the girls and pets. That isn’t fun for anyone after a while, as we all miss each other and being together and he is trying to run a business too.
So we agreed that when I got back I would take our daughter to Florida to hang out with my parents, so he could come up for a breath and focus on his business and himself. We are then meeting him at home before all flying out to the Dominican Republic for a huge annual family Thanksgiving meet up.
December is all about us and being at home together. So the point is not that we are global jet setters and self absorbed. The point is it takes sacrifice, it takes support, it takes awareness, it takes love, it takes a commitment. Not just a commitment to be together no matter what, but a commitment to evolve and change as the relationship changes and the needs change.
So ask yourself what areas your relationship has evolved? How do you need to evolve? How can you give and take? How can you ebb and flow and be dynamic as life demands of us?
Hayley Hobson is an author, speaker, business coach, yogi, Pilates instructor, and holistic nutritional expert based in Boulder, CO. Her unique and intelligent style promotes strengthening while softening—empowering her clients to heal not only their physical bodies but their hearts and minds as well. To learn more about her nutritional courses, events, and custom programs, visit hayleyhobson.com or follow her on Facebook or Twitter.