When I look back at myself and remember my fears after my loss, I wish I could go back in time and tell myself a few things.

You see, something happens to us after loss, and we have very little visibility of our true thoughts. And little to no visibility of our dreams and desires. The real ones anyway.

I had great visibility of my fears.

My fears woke me up, and put me to bed every single day for years.

I am writing this post for you if you are being stalked by nightmares, insecurities and a living hell. I was there too, for years. And if i could go back I would tell myself the following things:

  1. Don’t worry so much about paying the bills. Instead go to that art school you always dreamed of. The world will not come to an end.
  1. The worst has already happened. You have nothing to be afraid of.
  1. Don’t listen to the people who tell you not to get the puppy for the girls. They don’t know what it’s like to come back home to an empty house.
  1. You should sell your house and move somewhere new. This house feels scary at night. Don’t stay. Don’t you stay.
  1. Ask for help. It doesn’t mean you are weak, it just means you are human.
  1. Don’t worry about what people think about your choices, they have no clue.
  1. The girls will be more than OK. They will even get A’s in math. I know you worried about that when he died, he was the math person between the two of you.
  1. You are not always going to be alone.
  1. Don’t go and work at a place you dislike so much, it is making your grief so much worse.
  1. The nightmares at night will stop. Nobody is kidnapping the girls at night. It is just a bad, bad dream. It will stop.
  1. You will learn to be independent, very independent. So independent that you will not even recognize yourself one day.
  1. You are smarter than you think.
  1. You will make new friends, but there will come a time when you will feel misunderstood. It will pass.
  1. Your health will suffer the most, take care of your body. Now.
  1. It will take you years to get your laughter back, don’t wait too long.
  1. You are so young, still.
  1. He is there watching over you, especially the first few years. Then the signs will stop. So enjoy them while they last. Don’t be afraid of the bumps in the night.
  1. Keep a journal.
  1. One day you will be helping many people, you will write books. I know this one is really hard to believe.
  1. You need to know that your biggest fears will never come true. Not even close.

Now it is your turn.

I want you to tell yourself a few things you need to know.

There is a way to access this wisdom earlier.

You don’t need to wait years to know these things. You have a place inside of you that knows already.

Please share the things you need to know after your loss either in your journal, on our Facebook page or in the comments below.

I want you to stop being afraid. I know that your worst fears will never ever come true. @SecondFirsts
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The worst has already happened.

With life,


Christina Rasmussen is a bestselling author, speaker and philanthropist on a crusade to change the way we live after loss. As the founder of Second Firsts and Life Starters both organizations to help people create a pathway back to life after loss, Christina has helped thousands of people rebuild, reclaim, and relaunch their lives using the power of the human mind. Her book Second Firsts: Live, Laugh, and Love Again, aims to take her message even further. You can find more information on her website and follow her on FB or Twitter.

Image courtesy of Jean-Pierre Brungs.