Every day we drive past billboards and flip through magazines and watch commercials on television all showing us attractive people with similar sexy characteristics, but have you ever stopped to consider…

…somebody made up what “sexy” is!

Someone, somewhere down the line, assigned certain characteristics to the word… and we all went along with it.

I call it “The Trance,” this lie we all live in.

Women are led to believe that they cannot be sexy unless they have a certain look, body shape, and weight. But they can, because true sexiness is all about attitude.

Some women give men permission to touch their bodies because of a deep insecurity and a longing to feel sexy and be loved. But that’s not the way to fill that need.

Some men take advantage of women with low self-esteem under the assumption that they should be grateful that anyone would want to touch them. But that’s nothing to be grateful for.

“Sexy” doesn’t mean “safe,” however.

You see, someone also made up the idea that being sexy automatically gives others permission to touch your body.

When I read that supermodel Kate Upton had been groped and her boss told her that he had the right to touch her, I felt like I was going to throw up. It was a very strong physical reaction, and I am sure it was because I feel for the millions of women who have been touched and violated without any voice and without any choice.


I have been raped, molested, grabbed, and whistled at throughout my entire life, fat and thin alike. It is gross and unacceptable.

And still it continues.

These societal constructs are engrained so deeply within our collective consciousness that they feel like truth.

But is it actually true that the ones we consider sexy and beautiful in our society are worthy of love, and those we we consider ugly and fat are not?

Most people if asked this question directly would say, “Of course not! We’re all worthy of love.” Yet in truth we are all aware that the difference in how we treat certain people based on their looks is very real.

We need a change.

After 15 years as a body image coach who has worked with women cross-culturally and cross-economically around the world, I can tell you that we will never embrace the truth of who we are until we can embrace ourselves from the inside out.

We must redefine “sexy” to include confidence and compassion.

We must shift our power and our worth away from our perceived level of attractiveness.

And we must examine those values that say “sexy” is more lovable than “not sexy.”

No one should struggle to prove that they’re worthy of love.

You are worthy of love just because you’re alive. Just because you are breathing. @laurafenamore (Click to Tweet!)

Society would have you believe otherwise. You are supposed to understand how basically unworthy you are, and that you need makeup, hair products, weight-loss supplements, and fashionable clothing in order to be taken seriously. When women think they have to jump through hoops to be acceptable human beings, it supports the economy and it supports the patriarchy.

This needs to end. Now.


You are worth more than that.

We are all worth more than that. 

So know this:

Your voice counts.
Your body is sacred.
You deserve love.

And no one – and I mean no one – has the right to touch your body without your permission.

What do you believe? I would love to hear from you in the comments below.

Laura Fenamore, Body Image Expert, Coach and acclaimed Author is on a mission to help women around the world end the constant battle with their bodies and start adoring who they see in the mirror. Her approach walks students and readers through the heartfelt journey to self-love at any size or age by unlocking the secrets to a lifetime of emotional, physical and spiritual health. After overcoming a lifelong battle with addiction, obesity, and eating disorders, Laura released 100 pounds – keeping it off for more than 28 years. She chronicles this journey to self-love and health in her widely acclaimed book, Skinny, Fat, Perfect: Love Who You See in the Mirror. Learn more about Laura’s programs, or invite her to speak by visiting SkinnyFatPertect.com.

Image courtesy of Dennis Magati.