It’s so common today to feel unfulfilled, stuck, and stagnant.
In work. In life. In career. In relationships. I have so many friends and clients who say they’re working a job they don’t like. Maybe they’re in an office where they don’t feel inspired. Maybe they’re in a career they thought they wanted and it’s just not making an impact.
I hear it all the time!
So many people want more fulfillment in their career…. more purpose. Whether they want to start their own business, move into another position, or just have the courage to find a completely new job.
And even though they say they want to create something new and make an impact, here are three phrases I hear all the time:
“I want to start a business… but I don’t have the guts or the confidence.”
“I want to make a job change… but I don’t have the guts or the confidence!”
“I want to do something new… but I have no idea what it is!!”
As an example, I have a recent client who came to me—she’s a mom, she just moved to a new city, and she wants to start doing something that she loves, but she has no idea what exactly it is. And she has no idea how to take the leap.
We started working together to discover what her dream goals (and barriers) were and we realized that she was holding herself back with thoughts patterns that were actually around not being a good mom if she took time away from her kids. She was internally afraid to do anything for herself!
So that thought pattern was blocking her from believing that making a change was possible. It was blocking her from making any positive shifts in her life or trying out a new career.
Now—we’re working to shift that thought pattern through internal work. And she realized that everything was actually okay once we discovered these internal thoughts and stories she was telling herself—she realized it was okay to spend time away from her kids, to pursue her own passions and career goals, and by pursuing her career dreams and goals, she would be setting a great example and be the example by following something she was passionate about.
It was an amazing breakthrough.
We all have little stories and internal patterns that we stick to. And these are stories and patterns that we do NOT have to stick to.
So, here are three techniques I suggest for pushing past these blocks!
1. Work on Your Inside Job
Before we work on our “outside job” we have to work on our “inside job”.
It’s not necessarily looking at what your “outer strengths” and “job skillsets” are but what your inner desires are. I told that mom that I want her to make a list of what she enjoyed in her current job and all the things she did not enjoy. Then, I wanted her to take that list and turn it into a list of all the positive things/goals/ideas that she DOES enjoy. This is so she can stay focused on those positive goals, rather than what she doesn’t want.
By focusing on these internal, positive goals, it will bring more clarity to the outer jobs.
You can do this too. Grab a piece of paper and pen (or your laptop) and create a list of what you really, truly enjoy—your true inner desires. No holding back. No thinking of excuses. This is just a list.
By creating this list and reading and re-reading and focusing on the positive of what you want, you can start to attract more opportunities—basically, co-create with the universe and not work against it.
With this mindset shift and really taking your “insides out” you can create positive change and opportunity in your life.
2. Make a List of Negative Thought Patterns (So We Can Say Bye)
Next, make a list of all the negative thought patterns that are holding you back from what you’re wanting—the voices that tell you that you are too old, or not smart enough, or that you cant make any money doing what you love, or that it’s too risky.
Make a list of all those thought patterns. Those inner nay-sayers and negative voices.
Once you have them all listed out, you have to check in with yourself.
Look at your list, sit in a quiet room with no distractions, and start to, as I like to say, “feel with your body” and “feel with your heart “ (note: NOT your head).
Ask yourself if the things on that list are true and seek the real truth rather than listen to the critical thoughts. Is it your HEART telling you these things, or more likely… your HEAD?
You are smart. You are the right age. You can make money.
Generally our “critical” thoughts are incorrect and blocking the true thoughts of our hearts. It’s just our thinking mind blocking the truth. Blocking what we really feel.
When something feels “right” you feel more expansion, more peace, more confidence, more youthful power. When something feels “in your head” —you feel more anxiety, more constriction, more tension—it won’t feel good with your body.
Think of it this way… like when you have a “gut reaction” to something—kind of like when you feel something in the pit of your stomach and you know something is off – you have that knowing, that feeling, that intuition—the difference is that with this exercise, you’re not reacting to something external, but it’s your own voices that you’re challenging rather than what someone else is saying.
We generally think with our HEAD when we should be thinking with our HEART.
I encourage you to feel what’s in your body and release those negative inner thoughts.
3. Start Talking to People Who Are Doing Things That You Want To Do.
This one sounds so simple, but so many people never take the first step and do it!
If you even have a small idea of something you want to do (start a bakery, work at a startup, create a camp for kids, start a nonprofit for women in a different country, etc etc)… start talking to people who are doing things that you may want to be doing.
Reach out and ask them about people who inspire them – talk to them about what they are doing, how they got there, what started their journey.
To start being what you want to be, you have to attract the thoughts and ideas of that goal. @RobinEmmerich (Click to Tweet!)
Like attracts like.
This actually helps with the process of identification as well (if you are not concrete on what you want to do). Write down what inspires you, or… just start paying attention to what inspires you (and more importantly WHO inspires you), and then reach out to a few of those inspirational people.
You’d be surprised at how those people will often talk with you. And you’ll be surprised at the information and feelings you’ll get. Sometimes you might realize “this isn’t for me” and that’s okay, or you’ll get that full body feeling of “this is 100% what I want”.
That will help you see if you get inspired, if you’re into it, if the energy feels good— and who knows? They might take you on as an intern, they might say hey I want to hire you, you never know.
But you have to take those first steps.
In The End, You Can Overcome These Negative Thoughts
Overall, some of our biggest things that are holding us back are our inner beliefs and stories in relationship to fear, to anxiety, to risk, to self doubt.
You can crush those and overcome them.
They are inner beliefs and stories that just need to be analyzed and then moved past—with thought, with practice, and with action.
You have to recognize that these are all “feelings” and not truths. So you have to have the courage to look inside, feel out who you are and what you want, and take the step to that next thing in your life.
Do you have thoughts about this topic? Comment below!
And if you want to learn more, feel free to reach out to me with any questions or thoughts!
Robin Emmerich has spent close to a decade coaching some of the most successful women in business. Even with their considerable success, the common denominator is that as much as they seemed to be cruising through life on the outside, they were melting on the inside. It’s why Robin just launched Beauty and the Mess—an athleisure brand creating a sisterhood who understands that life is messy and difficult and challenging, but together, can find the strength to prioritize passion over perfection and fearlessly seek beauty in their everyday lives. She currently offers the CIJourney online course, based on the famed Stanford Masters Degree Course, ‘Creativity in Business,’ individual coaching and worldwide retreats. Connect with Robin at robinemmerich.com on Instagram, or beautyandthemess.com.