Ten years ago, I was dating a guy who I felt was actually pretty selfish. Somehow we always ended up doing what he wanted to do, and I felt like I—and my interests—had taken a back seat in the whole relationship. I was sharing this with a mentor when it dawned on me: The reason we never did anything I wanted was that I wasn’t willing to speak up and say what that was.

The truth was I didn’t know myself—my hopes or my dreams—well enough to bring that passion into a relationship. I ended up focusing on my goals, personal and professional.

Only after I’d improved my relationship with myself, fully understanding my wants and needs, was I able to have strong relationships with others. @RobinEmmerich (Click to Tweet!)

In order to attract the right kind of people, we have to be confident in who we are and what we want.

A friend of mine, Allison, was applying for her dream job. She’d been struggling with self-doubt in her current role. She felt unqualified for the kind of job she wanted, until I was able to show her that it had nothing to do with her qualifications, just her confidence. Once she understood that, she was able to go after the job she really wanted.

Fast forward several months, and she not only landed her dream job, but she’s thriving in it. She’s jet-setting around the world working on cool projects, making enough to buy her condo, and is enjoying more autonomy than she’s ever had in a job.

Whether you want more fulfillment in your relationship or career, the first question to ask yourself is, “What do I most desire?” Get to know YOU.

If you are struggling in your relationship, take the focus off of the other person and bring it back to you. You can do this by affirming, “I choose you.” Each day, choose your partner and more importantly, choose yourself. Until one day you don’t. Trust that day may or may not come and if/when it does, you will have the confidence to move forward.

Imagine that you are the captain of your own boat. You steer the direction of your boat through your own inner GPS. How?

  1. Slow down. When you come to a place that requires a new choice, give yourself the time needed to become more present to the situation.
  2. Change your course when needed. If you are in reaction to what is around you, it is impossible to make a conscious choice. Take the time to tune into what your mind is saying and your heart is wanting. Release the emotional weight that is holding you back from clarity. (See my Emotional Reset Method)
  3. Ask for a higher guidance in your decisions and WAIT until you have a knowing. Sometimes we are meant to be exactly where we are. For example, if you’re in Hawaii, enjoying dinner on a boat at sunset, you would most likely choose to enjoy the beauty of the pink sky over rushing to get to land and have dessert. The dessert can wait.

We often think it’s the big choices in life that matter the most, like what house, car, job we choose. The truth is that it’s the smaller choices that all add up to get you to where you are now. The beauty is that there are no mistakes. You hold the power to course correct at any moment. Trust in the process.

What are you willing to commit to in 2019? What is calling you to step in and what is calling you to step out. There is no in between. It’s your time to inspire and empower yourself for more. What will you choose?

Robin Emmerich has spent close to a decade coaching some of the most successful women in business. Even with their considerable success, the common denominator is that as much as they seemed to be cruising through life on the outside, they were melting on the inside. It’s why Robin just launched Beauty and the Mess—an athleisure brand creating a sisterhood who understands that life is messy and difficult and challenging, but together, can find the strength to prioritize passion over perfection and fearlessly seek beauty in their everyday lives. She currently offers the CIJourney online course, based on the famed Stanford Masters Degree Course, ‘Creativity in Business,’ individual coaching and worldwide retreats. Connect with Robin at robinemmerich.com on Instagram, or beautyandthemess.com.