Do you know what your love language is?

Love speaks…and not only in words. Getting fluent in your own love language and the love languages of the people in the VIP section of your life can strengthen and deepen your relationships.

When you understand that there are unique ways each of us feels and receives love, you’ll be able to express your needs, wants, and desires more directly AND better understand and meet the needs of the people you love!

I’ve used The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Dr. Gary Chapman as a tool with my clients in my psychotherapy practice for years because it is so very effective.

In this episode, I’m sharing my take on the different love languages (plus dishing on my own!) and giving you my best tips to help you integrate some love language skills into your relationships so you can express yourself more succinctly and love and be loved the way you want!



Dr. Gary Chapman began his career as a marriage counselor and started to notice a pattern in the complaints of clients. He would often hear things like:

“I feel like he doesn’t love me,” or…

“I don’t know what else to do. I’m doing everything I should be doing and she still isn’t happy.”

Do either of these resonate with you?

Here’s what could be going on: so often, especially when it comes to love, we assume that what makes us feel loved is what would make others feel loved.

This just isn’t true in practice. After thousands of interviews, Dr. Chapman learned there are five distinct ways people show and receive love, and, more often than not, couples aren’t speaking the same “love language”. Since the book was first published in 1992, his work has extended to families, singles, and children.

What the research and the results of putting the love languages into practice inside relationships show is clear:

It’s time to upgrade the old “Golden Rule” of treating others as you want to be treated.

Do you know what the “Platinum Rule” is?

I recently interviewed Sana Powell, a professional counselor based in Austin, Texas, and as we talked about inclusive mental health awareness, she introduced me to the Platinum Rule:

Treat others as THEY want to be treated.

It might sound simple, but I promise you, making this shift can vastly improve your communication, foster authentic connection, and deepen intimacy in all of your relationships!

The 5 Love Languages can serve as a guide to better understand just HOW the important people in your life want to be treated and clarify how you love to be loved, so let’s dive in:

The 5 Love Languages are:

  1. Words of Affirmation
  2. Acts of Service
  3. Receiving Gifts
  4. Quality Time
  5. Physical Touch

While most people are a combination of some or all of these languages, one almost always emerges as primary. What are the things that make you feel the MOST appreciated and loved in your friendships, partnerships, or family relationships?

Do you crave hearing your loved one tell you that you look amazing or that they are proud of you or that you did a great job? Words of affirmation it is.

Or do you love it when you get to spend a whole afternoon with someone, just the two of you? Quality time is the way to your heart.

Is it just the best when a loved one cooks you an incredible meal or stocks the pantry with your favorite treats or remembers to pick up the dry cleaning or make a dinner reservation without being reminded? Acts of service let you know someone really cares about you.

Do you feel adored when someone goes away on a trip and brings you back something special that they carefully chose just for you? Receiving gifts might be important to you.

In this week’s download, I’ve included the link to take Dr. Chapman’s 5 Love Languages Quiz and learn more about the most meaningful way you receive love. Share it with your partner, your friends, or anyone you care about to get a deeper insight into how they experience love.  I’m also giving you some of my best tips on how to communicate your preferences and desires to the people in your life.

For some of us, it can be very difficult to ask for what we want because we just don’t have the right language to do so, so in the guide, I’m giving you some easy sentence starters and questions to get the conversation started. I’m willing to bet that the people in your life will be grateful! You can download that right here.

So what’s YOUR Love Language? Be sure to drop me a comment here or tag me in an IG story or post @terricole…I can’t wait to hear how this went for you and what you learned about yourself and the loves in your life!

If this was helpful to you in any way please share it with your people, because the more mentally healthy we are, the better for the entire world!

I so appreciate you, I hope you enjoy discovering your love language and as always, take care of you.

Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and an expert at turning fear into freedom. Sign up for Terri’s weekly Newsletter, check out her blog and follow her on Twitter.