Do you often find yourself sitting on the fence when you need to make a decision?
Do you agonize over it for days (or weeks, or months) and ask everyone you know what they think you should do? And when and if you do make a decision…do you immediately start second-guessing yourself?
If this is you… don’t worry. You are far from alone. Some of the most successful and brilliant humans I’ve ever known struggle with indecision.
Clear, confident, and competent decision-making is such an important skill set to have in your life toolkit. The great news is, even if you feel like you are the world’s most indecisive person right now, you can learn this life-changing skill.
In this blog and its accompanying video , I’m giving you a 3-step formula to help you stop second-guessing yourself and get off the damn fence when it comes to making a decision.
So why do we experience indecision? Chronic or perpetual indecisiveness has to do with an array of factors, with fear being right at the top of the list. While feeling afraid or anxious to make a decision might seem obvious on the surface, it’s the underlying fears caused by past experiences that we need to bring up into the light or out of the basement (your unconscious mind) as I like to say, in order to create lasting change.
Step One: Decode Your Downloaded Decision-Making Blueprint
So much of our present behavior can be driven by our past lessons and experiences. I call the collection of information, beliefs, and messaging you received from your family, community, and culture of origin your “downloaded blueprint”.
Here’s are a couple of example questions that can shed some light on what might be hanging out in your unconscious mind and keeping you stuck on the fence when it comes to making decisions:
If you made a mistake when you were a child, were you punished, criticized or made fun of?
When you were growing up, did you witness others (parents, caregivers or anyone who impacted your life) being indecisive?
In this week’s downloadable guide, I’m giving you some poignant questions that will help you dig a bit deeper into your past personal experiences with decision-making, so you can get the clarity you need to begin to make choices with confidence. You can grab that right here.
Step Two: Identify Your Secondary Gain
Secondary gain is the hidden “benefit” (or benefits) you get from staying stuck in your current circumstances. In this case, it’s what you’re getting out of being indecisive.
While it might seem counterintuitive to think that you’re benefiting from being chronically indecisive (because, honestly, it’s exhausting), I have a tool that I use with my clients to help uncover the source behind any hidden resistance or sneaky self-sabotaging behavior.
In this week’s cheat sheet, I’ve given you some questions that will help you reveal your secondary gain when it comes to staying stuck in indecision.
Step Three: Access Your Deep Knowing
The really interesting thing about those of us who are chronically indecisive is that deep, down, a lot of the time, we already know what we want our choice to be. If we take some time and space to tune into our own innate wisdom, we often find that we know what the right decision is.
Inside the guide, I’m giving you a step-by-step visualization exercise that you can use anytime you find yourself on the indecision fence. I’m also sharing some questions for you to ask yourself that can help you “outsmart” the psychological defense mechanisms you might have in place that are blocking your own deep knowing. Here’s where you can download your guide!
I am really curious to see how this works for you, so please, comment here on the blog or tag me over on Instagram @terricole with your takeaways or questions. I adore connecting with you and hearing about where you are in your personal evolutionary journey. I would LOVE to hear from you if this three step process helps you finally make a damn decision!
If you liked this episode and it added value to your life, please share it with your people.
We’re all in this together, and the more mentally healthy we can be, the better the world will be for it, am I right?!
I hope you all have an amazing week and as always take care of you.
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and an expert at turning fear into freedom. Sign up for Terri’s weekly Newsletter, check out her blog and follow her on Twitter.