“The purpose of our relationships is to help us get to our destination. When we learn to look at our relationships this way, we become aware of the beautiful gifts they contain, and we begin to travel more quickly along our spiritual path” – Karen Berg
I couldn’t agree more with this quote. Any one can be spiritual on a mountain alone. The real practice is in every day life and in our relationships. This is where we truly do our spiritual work. It’s important to note what types of relationships you are participating in. We are going to categorize them by two types of relationships: Soul-based relationships and Ego-based relationships.
Ego relationships are all about fulfilling that feeling inside of you of fear, of emptiness, of loneliness, of need for approval, need for acceptance, the need to be liked, to feel in control and so on. This type of relationship is all about giving to get something to fulfill the ego. You can sum up ego-based relationships by this line: “What can I get from that person?” You are not falling in love you are falling in need. This is all about a void you are attempting to fill from them.
Love on the other hand and soul-based relationships are based on a true desire to share. Soul-based relationships are about everlasting and pure connection to the creator. They are relationships built on soul desires. Think of it this way, when you are truly full and feel whole you have no other need to gain from the person you are in a relationship with.
The focus then becomes on sharing LOVE, not stealing love to fill a void. When you fill your vessel with the wholeness of the divine, of the wholeness of your own worth, then you can share more purely and authentically.
To share from the soul feels expansive and there is no giving with an agenda.
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The ego-based relationship is all about an agenda to get fulfillment because it lacks within, so it seeks to get it from the outside. The goal is obviously to nurture ourselves and connect to our wholeness day by day so that we can give and be connected to soul love and relationships. It takes practice but it is so worth it. Ego-based relationships create chaos and pain and they only give temporary satisfaction but soul relationships last a lifetime.
Begin your practice of awareness by seeing how you give. Notice the intention behind your giving. This simple yet profound exercise will allow you to take the first step towards walking closer to having and creating more soul-based relationships. So ask yourself before you interact or as you interact with your partner, family, friends, co-worker, anyone…What am I truly seeking to get here? If it’s validation or approval or anything ego related, pause and wait to give. Ask instead for light or the energy of pure love to fill you and then ask, “How can I truly give for the sake of giving in this situation or to this person?” Notice the moments when you are truly giving selflessly. Perhaps when you are home at your parents for the weekend and you don’t really want to sit and hear about your dad’s interest in sports, but you do for the sake of sharing. You do it for him to be happy. Notice how that type of giving makes you feel.
Every day seek to share more and more just simply for the sake of giving, so that the act of giving itself becomes like receiving something. Let me know how it goes! Share in the comments below how this topic has impacted you.
Christine Gutierrez is a psychotherapist, advice columnist, speaker, author, poet, and founder of CosmicLife.com, an online hub that features psychologically-savvy and soulful advice, articles, videos, private consultations, workshops, retreats (both live and virtual), radio appearances, and television projects. “Ancient wisdom with a modern twist” is the motto. She has been featured in TimeOut NY Magazine, Latina Magazine as “The Future 15: The Healer,” Yahoo Health, Ebony Magazine, Cosmopolitan for Latinas, The Conversation, Cosmopolitan Magazine, Ricki Lake, Lifetime TV, and more. You can also follow Christine on Twitter and Facebook.