It is your birthright to have love in your life, and not just any love; the right love for you! We all came to this earth equally deserving of love. Gas station attendants, tailors, baseball players, ballet dancers and astronauts all deserve love! Have you ever stopped to think about why you feel you don’t deserve the epic love that is waiting for you? Maybe you had a bad relationship (or a few) that left you feeling not so great about yourself. Just know that those relationships only happened so that you could grow and learn; they weren’t meant to tear you down. The truth is, you are still the same amazing person who entered those relationships, and now you have more ammunition in your pocket; one more relationship under your belt that will bring you closer to your “meant-to-be.”
You might be holding yourself back without even realizing it! Maybe, because of your past relationships, you feel that you’re not ready or you are scared that what happened to you in those relationships will happen again, so your trust level is low. It’s important that you realize that people are different. Just because your ex was dishonest and unkind, doesn’t mean that everyone is dishonest and unkind. Please know, that judging and making assumptions will only hold you back from your potential for authentic love. Walking around the world thinking that you’re a victim puts you in the “I’m not deserving of love” mode. You need to consciously make that mental, emotional and spiritual shift into knowing you deserve love in order for it to show up. You were BORN ready for love. There’s nothing you need to do or change.
If you are feeling upset because of an internal or external insecurity, that too will hold you back from attracting your “forever.” For instance, if you feel like you’re overweight and you believe that people who are overweight don’t deserve love; it’s only going to hold you back from the right one coming into your life and guess what, the right one for you will see right past your few extra pounds because he or she will want to connect with your heart, and that’s all that matters. However, if you walk around believing that because you are overweight you can’t meet your person, then you won’t. It might sound cliché, but there really is a language of love. When two hearts connect it’s almost as if they communicate and start to form their own language and their own entity where there is no room for judging and shaming- just love.
When you find your match, and you have that outer-worldly connection that no one and no-thing could break (here’s another cliché for ya), “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” will start to make a lot more sense to you. When you are in love and aligned with the right person, you see beyond the physical and all you see is the beauty of the other’s soul.
With the complete understanding that everyone deserves love, you’re probably thinking, “OK, how do I actually bring that love in, so my world can be rocked?”
Here are a few tips:
1. Spend time with happy couples
Surround yourself with couples who are in love. It’s almost as if their authentic love is contagious; being in the energy field of a happy couple can actually “rub off” on you! You don’t see it, but they are emitting positive energy, and you can definitely pick up on it. This energetic feeling of love is evident when you are around a happy couple and you just feel like smiling, or when you’re strolling down the street and you see a couple walking hand-in-hand and you just KNOW that what they have is special. It’s inspiring, because when you see and experience a happy couple, it is validation that “it” exists, and if it happened for them, it can happen for you! They are not any smarter, funnier, or luckier than you are. It was just their time, and it will be your time too when the time is right.
You have to believe that it is going to happen for you. I know you’ve had some dark days when you didn’t feel like getting out of bed. Maybe you feel like you’ve been in the dating game for what seems like forever; you just want to meet your match already, and you feel like it’s never going to happen. Just know, that the universe gives us what we focus on, so if you are focusing on the fear that it’s NOT going to happen for you, then that exact thing that you are trying to avoid, will happen. However, if you believe that it IS going to happen for you, then it will… it’s just a matter of time!
I was driving the other day, and Josh Groban’s song, “Believe” came on the radio (was it a coincidence that in the midst of writing this article, I heard this song? There are no mistakes.
The lyrics are:
“Believe in what you feel inside
And give your dreams the wings to fly.
You have everything you need
If you just believe.”
I love how the lyrics utilize the word “need.” It doesn’t say “You’ll have everything you want” (and it’s not because ‘want’ doesn’t rhyme with ‘believe’). The universe gives us what we need, not necessarily what we want. We are always supported and taken care of by the universe; in knowing that, I hope that you can start to relax and know that you are loved and that your “forever” will happen when it is supposed to- just BELIEVE.
3. Trust your past
Not trusting the past, keeps you in the past.
Trust that when things didn’t go your way, like a breakup that you didn’t want; there’s a reason. Trust that everything has happened for you, not to you- every relationship has brought you closer to the one. Trust that all of your past relationships prepared you for what is to come. Think of your past relationships as rehearsals. You got the little kinks out of the way so that when Mr. or Mrs. Right shows up, you’ll have a better sense of how you want to be in a relationship, and you’ll know more about what you are willing to put up with and what are you not willing to put up with. You will also be able to put a list of non-negotiables together, so you are armed with them as you go on your journey. Because of your past relationships, you can feel more empowered and better able to be discerning. Trust your past, so you can trust your present. Believe that you deserve love and then trust that you’re going to have it in the future.
4. Don’t settle
Settling will not bring in the love you deserve- it will only bring in a “time-passer-byer” as I call them; not your genuine love. Don’t worry if people tell you that you’re too picky. Honor what makes your heart happy. You are the only one who knows how your heart truly feels – listen to it always. Also, you are the only one that is going to be in the relationship with this person, so it really doesn’t matter what Aunt Betty thinks because she’s not the one that would have to put up with the things that could potentially cause you sadness. “Little and harmless red flags” can turn into major issues down the road, so do yourself a favor and if you don’t feel like it’s right, then it’s not. You deserve to live with peace in your heart, knowing that you’re with the right one for you.
Once upon a time ago, I was in your shoes, so I hear you and I understand completely. This love and relationship thing is not easy. It takes time and a lot of self-compassion to learn what you need to learn in order to know what is right for you and to feel at peace in your heart.
I felt like I needed to go on every date that came my way because what if he was the one! I felt like I had to go to every event or party that I was invited to, because what if he was there that night and if I didn’t go, I would miss my opportunity. I know now that it doesn’t matter where you go or when, you will meet your person regardless, but I felt all of this responsibility that I needed to be everywhere all at once.
My dating life was getting to be too chaotic. The universe doesn’t know what to do with chaos because it doesn’t recognize it. The more chaotic I was, the farther away I was from bringing in a love that I deserve. I rarely said no to a date and I got to the point where I was almost too open-minded and started to forfeit some of the big things that were non-negotiables in the past. The result was that I started settling and wasted time with the wrong guys.
There must have been a part of me that felt like I didn’t deserve better, but it was all subconscious of course.
You do realize that the more time you spend in a relationship that doesn’t feel good to you, the more time gets taken away from you being in a relationship that does feel good and is the right fit for you.
5. Forgive Yourself, and Get Out of Your own Way
At the end of the day, you are the only one that is holding you back from receiving love. It’s no one’s fault that you haven’t (yet) brought in the love you deserve. It’s not your ex’s fault for ending the relationship and it’s not your fault that you haven’t been ready yet. If you keep beating yourself up over your choices, it will never be productive and certainly it’s not a healthy way to exist. Forgive yourself and remind yourself that you have always been doing the best you can, as it will help you be open and help you make that shift into loving and having compassion for yourself. The Law of attraction teaches that when we love ourselves, love will be attracted to us.
Life is hard, and there are so many things that are out of our control. In a world where control is simply an illusion, at least we can get empowered and we can get ahold of ourselves, so we can control the narrative in our minds. Once you start believing, knowing and feeling that you deserve love, it will become second nature, and everything will fall into place. An unexpected “chance” meeting in a park or a coffee shop might turn into an innocent conversation, which could turn into a date which just might just turn into twenty dates, an engagement and a beautiful marriage…. You just never know when you’re going to meet your “person,” so make sure that you are doing everything possible to not give the universe any reason to not bring your love forward. It’s going to happen if you believe it’s going to happen, and that’s a promise.
Jaime Bronstein is a relationship coach, radio show host of “Love Talk Live” on LA Talk Radio, blogger, author, wife and mommy. She has been a practicing therapist for 18 years. Jaime has a master’s degree in social work from New York University, a bachelor’s degree in psychology from Boston University and a certificate in spiritual psychology from The University of Santa Monica. Jaime focuses on teaching her clients how to unconditionally love themselves, how to be vulnerable, tap into their inner strength, and live more authentically in order to achieve their relationship goals. Jaime will not only help you heal and extinguish any negative relationship habits, but she will also provide you with the tools needed in order to have a successful relationship. Find her online at www.therelationshipexpert.com and catch her on-camera radio show. Follow her on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
Image courtesy of frank mckenna.