How I despise those cruel words that have slipped from my tongue,
When I say that in my 24 years I have accomplished nothing.
My sweet girl, my treasured being,
You have accomplished so much for your age.
You have worked incredibly hard to find a home within yourself.
You fought the side of yourself that you never thought you could love.
You took all of your pain and through time, forgave your body.
All of those times you couldn’t look at yourself in the mirror when your loving mother took you bra shopping, hoping you’d find an ounce of happiness being with her.
At that age, we are so self-absorbed in our distorted image. Instead of cherishing the time and money she spent on you,
You sat in the dressing room with endless tears and a dreadful sense of hate for all of your being.
Who are you? Why are you here? Why is your adolescent mind making you hate your body?
My dear, you got passed that. You never thought you’d become a beautiful woman, you never thought your inner beauty would ever show on the outside. But it did.
You spent years in a box of anger, directed at your loved ones, and you physically took it out on you. If I could stop you then, I would have.
Anger that came from frustrations. Anxiety that you were born with.
Children pulling your hair and making awful jokes at you. It tore you down enough for you to hurt yourself, as if you believed you deserved that.
Lovers that came and went, and every time you wondered what was wrong with you. You wondered why they treated you so poorly, why you desired true love and never got it?
You stayed awake almost every night in tears, wondering where your soulmate was, what he was doing, and how much longer you’ll be alone.
My sweet friend you will learn at my age that you have met your soulmate, and please know that I have enough love in my heart to love myself, too.
My sweet younger self,
You feared death and stayed up crying many nights at the fear of losing your family, and never speaking to them again. Sweet girl, there is nothing to be afraid of. I feel my loved ones around me, and my faith that they are near me always, is stronger than you’ll ever know someday.
You were the quietest child in class, even up until college. You dropped out of college because your anxiety prevented you from being in a room full of people, when you had to introduce yourself. Let me tell you that you have a long road ahead of you to remove this fear, but you did it.
You will read poetry out loud, you will sing to many faces, you will interview musicians, you will talk on the phone with strangers that once would have made you sweat with fear. You will get over this.
How I despise those cruel words that slip from my tongue,
When I say that in my 24 years of living, I have accomplished nothing.
To the world, you are small. This is just a fact. But you are your own world, and I sit here so very proud of your life. You have accomplished so much and you are only 24.
PS: Someday you’ll learn to love your hair, you’ll know that you don’t need makeup, and you’ll learn that it’s okay to have stuffed animals.
Tara Obregon is a 24 year old writer and artist from Ventura County, California. She has been writing since she was a little girl, and self published her first book ‘A Romantic Enters the World’ in 2017. Her latest release ‘Flowers in February’ was self published in 2018. Along with writing poetry, she has written two screenplays and is a musician under the name Peaches in Honey. She hopes that her words give a sense of positivity that there are brighter days ahead.
Image courtesy of Blake Barlow.